Tips !!

At the onset I want to clarify I am no relationship guru neither am I a perfectionist but having said that I do have my own rules which would come into prominence when it comes to relationships. This is true especially for the one I would be committed towards in a couple of years from now.

For all those people who could guess it right (bravo!!! clap clap clap) and for those who could not, it’s about the decision about choosing a life partner. As everyone else this is one decision which is undoubtedly the toughest and of course not a one where you can learn by making mistakes.

For a change I would not want to do a mistake considering the fact that my whole life so far has been a trial and error game, one making a mistake, the other not learning from it. While things have changed for the better for me, What if I make a mistake is nevertheless a scary line of thought.

I happened to ask my colleague who got engaged recently why is he getting married to her and he said "I am in love with her."

My next question comment was “You mean you never fell in love with Ms XYZ, Ms ABC… you were carrying on with for the past couple of years??

Well comments apart I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date and later decide to tie the knot. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

I know a couple of my readers would think I am NUTS. Quite rightly so I am a nut but I still believe there is immense truth here. My stand is “Let not Love be the basis for getting married. Rather allow love to be the result of a good marriage. Focus on other ingredients in the relationship and true love will seep in sooner than you think.”

It’s only in reel life that such a thing can happen and you CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more…….

My quest to find the correct partner would depend on how I feel with relation to some crucial areas. I am confident it will be a combination of these which would help me decide and perhaps AVOID the fate some of them end up with. I know lot of my readers would not quite agree with what I mention here and I welcome criticism, argument and counter arguments.

But my ONLY condition is. “Let’s keep this sane and perfectly within limits”. As long as the comments are within acceptable limits I would not mind but anything adverse and uncalled for will have to go no matter what and that’s a promise!!

Let’s keep the discussion a HEALTHY one, someone out there might benefit.



* A marriage is supposed to last a life time and it’s precisely this life time that needs to be the focus. Let’s assume I am going to spend around approximately 30 years being alive & married from now on, so my focus would be "What do I plan to do with her most of the time??" Maybe indulge in activities that help us bond together or act more like a catalyst to help each other succeed.

I should be sharing something much deeper and meaningful in addition to the relation that binds us. That is sharing a common life purpose, knowing what each one of us want out of life and having known that agree to strengthen the bond that exist between us.

* How much comfortable and safer do I feel expressing my feelings to her (read TRUST). This is one question that forms the basis of every relationship I guess so nothing new here. I should be in a position to feel good and communicate openly with her. All right I agree some amount of pretence would always be there in the initial stages of courtship BUT it's important that both parties be comfy with the real self.

I must be convinced by the fact that I would not get punished or hurt for expressing what I feel before her. Yep!! Some stuff may cause the other half to react badly but if it’s happening on a regular basis, you need to seriously think who's a JERK in this relation.

* Consider the sensitivity and overall mannerisms of the person. Observe how they walk, talk (literally speaking ok!!) and in general behave with people around them. Do they always strive (and I mean it "STRIVE") to do things right and be good overall? Ask questions that derives answers about their demeanor something akin to personal interview BUT don’t get too pushy either.

It’s important not to come across as someone who infringes upon personal space!! Understand how the overall behavior pattern would play an important role in future especially when you decide this is the person I would want to walk down the aisle with.

* A continuation of the above logic, understand the primary and most important thing in any relationship. My belief is, it’s the ability to GIVE and what it essentially means is the ability to let go of your wants and needs to bring around happiness.

C’mon I am not asking her to be a sacrificial lamb, but my expectation is she should be doing it genuinely (or perhaps it should come to her naturally) and not under some kinda pressure or moral obligation towards me or any one else. It’s important to have the gratitude towards people who do a hell lot for you as also appreciate people who may not be able to do everything expected.

A little step however small it is should not be sidelined but rather appreciated. Someone who cares a damn about valuing others will not appreciate me and my loved ones sooner or later.

* Don’t try and change the person after getting committed. That’s the worse thing you can do. Don’t expect changes in a person post commitment, it seldom happens. If it does it's only for the worse.

If you are not willing to accept the person just as they are at this point of time, then perhaps you need to rethink about your choice of a partner.

Agreed the above points cannot be a mantra for finding the correct partner, it’s too generalized, maybe cocky or broad and doesn’t confirm to YOUR line of thoughts but I could only think of these few points.

As someone rightly said "Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework".

Should you have more to say, feel free to comment, just remember the rules for the post.

AS I SAID EARLIER, SOMEONE OUT THERE MIGHT BENEFIT

Daddy's Poem

This poem was sent to be by one of my good friends who lost her father a couple of years ago. As I went through this I somehow felt its her who’s playing the central character in it and I HAD to share this with anyone who would care to drop by …………….


Her hair was up in a pony tail,
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
A man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
Another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
He's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.
You see he was a policeman
And died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
It's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.

Quarter Life Crisis !!!

At the start I am being somewhat frank when I say I am “Twenty-Something". Experts have called it by various epithets but my most favorite is "Quarter-life Crisis." I guess nothing surmises the feeling better than this moniker :-)

I got this realization that I was somewhat lost amongst the young crowd. Suddenly my priorities in life had changed. I kept realizing how there were so many things about myself that I didn’t know, things that I don’t like, things that foretell how good I would be in a particular role etc. My standpoint was changing at rapid pace.

When the realization dawned I was nervous at first, afraid somewhat apprehensive too that something has got control over me, my feelings and my mind. An unknown force that’s making me sees things in a different perspective.

I was constantly getting worried about my balding head, my juniors are getting fatter pay packages than I got when I started my career, my career prospects etc. I started feeling insecure and wondered where I would be in a year or two, but then get distraught because I barely knew where I am headed for now.

The momentum spilled out to just about everything as far as my eye can reach. I started realizing people I cared for can and are selfish and that, maybe the friends that I thought I was so close to aren't exactly the greatest people I have ever met, and the people I lost touch with are some of the most important ones in my life :-(.

I realized that someone who I would term as really cold, catty, mean or insincere were not necessarily bad and I learnt that when I accepted them they way they were, most of the times I would get a virtuous response.

I learnt to accept their viewpoints, understand them, criticize them the right way, and learnt to make myself felt and heard. I began to enrich my experience to the extent that while I appreciate people around me, I could be perfectly alone, even in one of those Mumbai local trains, lost in my own world.

My opinions have gotten stronger now. I still keep a stoic glance most of the time and quietly view what others are doing. I began to judge and compare myself more than usual because suddenly I realize that there exist certain boundaries in my life and I am still constantly adding things to the list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

Each passing day I would vacillate between extremes. One minute, I am insecure and then the next, secure. I began to laugh, cry and carry on any activity like no tomorrow, most of the time with the greatest force of my life.

In all the ensuing confusion my heart would ditch me at each crucial stage. Suddenly change was something I was no longer looking forward too. It was my greatest enemy and I would keep clinging to my past life hoping tomorrow never comes, nothing ever changes and when I wake up the next day, things are back to the normal self. The self I am used to, the self I have been seeing day in and out, the self I am more comfortable with, related to and comfortable with.

But alas !! it was not to be, each passing day was more of a mystification and I soon found to my dismay that my life is just drifting apart and going away further and further with each passing day and there was exactly nothing much I could do apart from watch it glide away or just move forward.

I would find reasons as to how someone I loved could do such damage to me and just care a damn about me or my feelings. Lie in bed and wonder why the hell I can't ever get to meet anyone decent enough, someone that I would want to get to know better.

Maybe I love someone but then another someone else and a third one too… I cannot figure out why I am fighting with this feeling because I @ heart I am not a bad person. Getting wasted and acting like an idiotic lovey dovey starts to look pathetic.

I am constantly worried about my loans, money, my future and making a life for myself... and while winning the race would be great, right now I just want to be a strong contender!

Perhaps someone reading this post may relate to this. Or am I the only idiot in this world who is experiencing the Quarter Life Crisis !!!

INDIAN'S first !! LOCALITES later.

I happened to read an excellent post by one Shruthi about the merits and demerits of Bangalore. While I would not like to go on along similar lines about how BAD Bangalore has become, high handedness of locals etc etc I truly did appreciate that post since it does very well in keeping the topic of discussion sane and within limits.

For the benefit of the readers who may be seeing my page, here is the link


http://nychthemeron.blogspot.com/2006/04/open-request-from-bangalorean.html


I tend to agree with the author. During the course of my life so far, I have been fortunate to stay in many cities in India including Mumbai, Pune, Chennai, Trivandrum, and presently Bangalore. If any Non Bangaloreans (e.g. me) feel that this is not the place to be, and the localities are TOO MUCH, please be warned that you haven’t seen as yet how bad it can get.

My colleague in office and his roomies were roughed up by the local politician's goondas and had their gold chain and monies snatched under their very eyes. In addition to the roughing up, the cops won’t register a case, since there were no witnesses. While all this happened at around 10.00 @ nite, with the local population in full attendance, none of them agreed to come forward and give a statement. What’s interesting is the fact that many of the audience were "Non Bangaloreans" (read a mixture of Tamils, Mallus, Delhiites, Biharies and Gujratis).

These kind of incidents have happened in the past and are still happening. While what has happened is indeed saddening lets NOT label all localities this way. Most of us are used to, have seen but done nothing about these kinds of incidents happening in our home town. On the contrary we have watched in mock horror how these people have gotten away, but we never raised a voice or protested.

If we did, definitely things have moved maybe a bit slowly but that’s not because the "LOCALITES" are responsible, but because the other section is more powerful, more stronger and better equipped than us. Like Shruthi says, if we approach an individual (localite or otherwise) with gentleness and better mannerisms, we are bound to get a better response in at least 90% of the cases.

The Localities issues are not new is it? It was played years ago in Mumbai. Read the messing up of the northie population who attended railway recruitment exams, out station medical students being beaten up in their hostels etc etc. Did that change the attitude? Does any one reading this post really expect that every north Indian who comes to Mumbai is looked down upon? Or they have shut shop and gone away to their hometowns? The answer is a big definite NO.

On the contrary the north Indian population exist jeek n jowl with the localities because they have learnt to embrace the city and its mannerisms and in turn have got accepted by the local population as one amongst themselves. As Viky one of the commenter on the original post rightly said “Unlike others, I wont try to find a Bangalore in Pune, or a Pune in Mysore. Because like our spice(s), each city has its own flavor”.

People everywhere are bound by local roots and they are bound to rake up this issue whenever a matter hot’s up. But lets not forget that where ever WITHIN the country an Indian goes, he will find friends, comrades, mentor or guides both within the local population and otherwise. Trace back the reason and you will find that it has more to do with mannerisms and the fact that at the end of the day we Indians are all "ONE".

Try getting that experience in a foreign land and it’s at that point that reality strikes.

Let’s not forget that it’s this diversity that is the face of our INDIA. Instead of playing blame game and indulging in petty local or otherwise politics and raking up rather mundane issues, Lets all work together and try and make Bangalore an ideal place just as we want it to be.

Unity is strength and you will find that once we all sit down and try and work together and not mud slinging most of these so called localities who are free from vested and political interference would join hands and enable us to achieve this dream.

If a Narayan Murthy or Dhirubai Ambani had not believed that diversity and our ability to put things aside and work together as INDIANS is strong enough we would not have had made a name for ourselves this way or that.

For the records, I am not a LOCALITE but neither am I an unwanted outsider and I have consciously tried to blend in with the local population because of which I believe I would not have any major problems whatsoever in Bangalore ...

So let’s all sit and enjoy the flavor of India. Should we feel the odd man out, let’s work on blending in and most of the time we will find that there is no such distinction like Localities, Outsiders etc.

WE ALL ARE TRULY INDIAN FIRST & LOCALITIES LATER.

No offense taken, NONE given ……………..

Life as a BACHELOR !!

It was a privilege to call myself a bachelor. Somehow everything that had a Bachelor in it attracted my attention right from my degree certificate to a bachelor’s party. I still tend to believe “BACHELOR” tends to have a soothing effect to most men.

Of lately things have been changing rapidly. One night at a very odd hour (2 am to be exact ) my phone rang. It was my pilot friend and college mate, an uneasy reminder how our work schedules makes us forget propriety and politeness.

My Friend: In a breathless voice beamed

"Mr Roxy, wake up its morning man”.

Still sleepy I looked at my cell to check the number and fair enough it’s him.

I mumbled

Me: “ Mr. Pilot, I just came in about 2 hours ago, what’s happening, How come you called me at this time” all in one single stretch."

My Friend: "I just called to give you some good news."

Me: “Ohh is it , you got a promotion ?? “

My Friend: “Naaaaa !! I am getting married”  :-)

So that's how it is. Another one bites the dust. Now he won’t have to face the perils of being a bachelor. Yes Sir !!! At a more earthy level, he will not face the awkward looks people give to us with BACHELOR status.

They are not welcome in residential areas. Bachelor’s party makes noise round the clock. They go after the neighborhood girls. They don't respect the norms of the colony. They come in groups...They booze, They are unclean, Atheist, non confirmer etc etc….

Anyway, I learnt my lesson: Bachelors don't have all the civil rights that 'normal' citizens enjoy. But then, my question is “what do bachelors have that makes many a married guys cherish the memories of his long-lost bachelorhood?”


Quite frankly being a bachelor is a great feeling. As bachelor(s) we have fewer restrictions if any. I am quite sure everyone will agree that except for renting an apartment and walking into those stupid 'couples only' clubs, bachelor(s) can have everything else.

We get up at any time, keep our places messy, leave our food and drinks where we finished it for servants or others to clean it, and most importantly sneak into the office unnoticed when others get ready for lunch.

We can sit to almost any time in front of the computer without worrying about anxious where-are-you calls. We can stay away from the house for days and no questions are asked. We can eat, drink, and stay out late late in the night unlike others. We do whatever we want on the weekend, in the company of our friends... In short nothing is a routine and parties, picnics and outings happen at our own whims and fancies.


Yes. Friends are the most important aspect of any bachelor's life. Without them he practically has no existence, especially if he's staying away from home.

But then one day, over the thundering music and the first round of cold beer in a dimly lit pub, my friend announces his plans to get married to this cute girl that someone else had found for him. Over the double cheers, the naughty comments and laughter, I become aware of something odd, something that dims my enthusiasm, and something that hurts me somewhere.

My friend's getting married. Of course it's something to celebrate. But then, that also means he's leaving the gang! (I saw this symptom on most of the guys present). Now except for 3 of my friends (Harish, Madhu, and Umesh) everyone is set to tie the knot if not already tagged]

I attended his wedding, the most colorful function of his life, in full spirits. All of us bachelors and married friends alike. We had quite a good time and reveled and indulged in joyous banter. We give him gifts, wished him good luck, and gave him tips on how to tackle women (most of the guys including me think we are experts in understanding women after all! Geez, how I wish it was true) and retreat to our good old world, one member less.

It does not take much time before we find him reduced to much-delayed replies to our bunch of mails, and as for phone calls that comes only once in a blue moon.

For my part, I watch the pile of wedding invitations in the corner of my desk grow at an amazing, alarming pace. Before I know it, most of my cool buddies are gone. And the rest of us soon realize that we are not always welcome to the new circle the married men have formed. So we seek solace behind those office doors where the sun never sets.

I do meet my married friends occasionally. In the office, on a casual walk, or in a busy restaurant. They are my friends still. And they are still friendly as much as their new lifestyle and added responsibilities permit.

But...

Oh heck, here’s another phone call and a courier guy at the door.

Geez , I don’t believe it, Its Harish on the phone, he is getting tagged soon enough and the courier is from Madhu he is losing his BACHELOR status in exactly 2 months.

Ahhh !! another invite for the pile. Another casualty from the “COOL” gang.


That leaves just me and Umesh to fend for ourselves….. Ah well there is nothing much to do so heee hooo and it’s off to work we go !!!!

:-) :-) :-)

Whats in a SMILE !! Ask me how it FEELS

I happened to recently download a song Boulevard_Of_Broken_Dreams by Green Day. This was because I was fascinated by the lyrics. I happened to read them at one of my favorite blogs online and instantly felt a high degree of similitude between the lyrics and my own life just as the blogger had mentioned.

I’ve been listening to it since yesterday over and over again and that tune was humming in my mind like a never ending song. Post work, when I had enough of everything I trod back home happy that I may not have to work this weekend since I might take an off especially since the release is tomorrow and 99% of the deliverables are ready.

There is this colleague in office who at the very first meeting had put me off. In fact to be honest it was the pathetic attitude that served as fuel to the hatred. I would always try my best to avoid speaking to her or even returning her emails or offline messages because of the same reason.

Today as I was walking down mid afternoon for lunch, my buddy just lagged about a few meters away from me apparently to tie his shoe lace. All of a sudden the door opened and she appeared at the doorway. One look at her and I knew something was wrong. While I actually wanted to turn away, I thought it’s not the correct thing to do and hence smiled appreciatively at the figure in the doorway. The return smile was weak an exhausted smirk which made me ask in mock concern " You all right ??, You don’t seem to me at least". A feeble noise followed, and she remarked that from morning her throat has gone completely. She had a strange feeling of uneasiness in her, accentuated with a coarse sound coming from within her as she tried to answer my questions.

I was too bothered to satiate myself than anything else and muttering a "You will be fine , take care buddy" I vanished in a trance. As I gorged on a plate of dry tortilla's and a heavily burnt curry, the tune began humming in my mind, putting me in good spirit. My buddy and I chatted animatedly with lots of banter amongst us. Finally as I got up to wash my hands and get back to work that I thought about Ms Attitude.

I felt kinda bad since I too had a throat infection sometime back and I vividly recall how difficult it was to get to speak even the commonest words like a "Thank you". As I took an afternoon walk around our campus, I decided on my next course of action.

The next step was me walking down the corridor to her seat. As she looked at me and mumbled a feeble Hiiii !! I sportingly dropped a package in her hands. She asked nervously What is it ??? I said "This should make you feel better".

She hurriedly tore away the package to reveal slabs of throat lozenges. Weakly she said Ohhh thanks !! I dont think I will need so much tho and smiled.

I grinned back and said "Keep it mate, that’s the least I can do for the constant emails and messages you send considering the fact that I don’t even get time to reply to most of them !!! (Well I was lying through my teeth while saying this I admit). Get well soon

I waved a good bye and started humming in my mind



"I walk a lonely road

The only one I that have ever known

Don't know were it goes

But its home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of broken dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone

......................

I looked back as I started walking and I saw a smile on Ms Attitude's face, a smile so radiant that its glow could be felt looooooooooooooooong after the sun set ....


Thanks Suk's, This post is especially for you for giving me the spirit and the reason to do something good in the course of this mundane existence and also not to forget for sharing such a wonderful song.......

I walk alone

I walk alone

I walk alone ......... :-)

Happy Vishu !! Celebrating New Year the " Mallu Way "

Here it comes... The Mallu New Year. The Vishu festival falls on the first day of Medam (April-May), the astronomical New Year day.

It is a belief that the fortunes of the coming year depend on the first object they see on the Vishu day. So the important ceremony connected with Vishu is the Kani Kanal, which literary means the first sight. This kani includes cadjan leaf book, gold ornaments, fresh and white cloth, a measure of rice or paddy, bell metal mirror, flowers of the Konna tree (Cussia fistula), halved jack fruits, halved coconuts, yellow cucumber, and two standing oil lamps emitting sparkling light.

An indispensable item connected with Vishu is the Vishu Kaineettam, which means the gift of money to the children and to the poor people by the elder members of the family. I am the youngest in my family and hence I stand to gain a lot from this activity heheheheheh !!!

I remember grand Vishu celebrations every year till my grand mother was around. She passed away early 1987 & somehow vishu was never the same. Not just that my parents too had moved over to Mumbai and out here we outgrew the novelty I suppose. Neverthless my parents made sure that we did celebrate Vishu the traditional way. I guess this was one of the many things that my parents gave me and my siblings, keeping us in touch somewhat with my native culture.

Vishu traditionally has been a great family event. Now even though me and my siblings are scattered all over the world, each one of us by nature and homing spirits zero down our thoughts to our piece of heaven on mother earth. Our FLAT in Mumbai, where we have celebrated and enjoyed most of our youth.

Tonight as the D day dawns, we 4 of us undoubtedly are seeing and feeling the presence of each one of us, with our parents celebrating this festival in the true kerala tradition.

As I share the memories on this blog my thoughts revert back to my parents who for the first time in 40 years are going to celebrate the festival all alone. With each one of us busy with our professional life, unfortunately this is one celebration that my parents will have to endure alone. Neverthless I am sure our mind and soul are going to be with them each passing moment of this special day.


The Vishu breakfast is a special event with traditional keralite food being served. Its usually "Puttu (a rice powder and grated coconut, steamed and cooked together) Kadala curry (a special curry made from Black Channa), banana's and ishtu (Potato Stew made with coconut milk)".

After completing the morning rituals, it is time for the family to get ready for the grand meal called " Sadya ". The biggest and most prominent place in the house is selected to lay the meal which is traditionally served in a row on a mat laid on the floor.

In Kerala, this meal is served during all festivals with at least seven different vegetables and condiments, three "payasams" (kheer-type sweet broths which are made up of jaggery, milk+semia, jackfruit, dal, pasta et al), several courses of rice, in a strict order of dal-sambar-buttermilk-rasam (did I get that wrong?)... and Payasams in between.

Usually, at Mallu weddings down south, expert waiters serve the food as it is laid down - you will feel as if you are experiencing a moving assembly line. It is quite an experience - don't miss the chance if you ever get one.

In kerala though the grand sadya (feast) is usually prepared by women of the house and the whole family sits together at lunch to relish it. Dishes are usually prepared from jackfruits, mangoes, pumpkins, and gourds besides other vegetables and fruits, which are in plenty at that time of the season. People also wear kodi vastram (new clothes) on this day. Patassu (fire crackers) are burst in the midst of dancing and merry to mark the day.

All in all its a day to celebrate, make merry and enjoy the tasty food made by my mother. Her culinary skills are top notch and it would undoubtedly but the world's best chef's to shame.

To put it short its one of those special days where we all would be in attendance, sit around and enjoy the 24 hrs that constitutes this festival. As another day dawns, post festival its the usual need for survival mess for all of us.

We welcome the new year and embark on our journey of life contended that we have god's grace and the best wishes of our parents to see each one of us through the travails of another loooooong year .....

Feeling the pain, a TWIN story !!!

It’s been immortalized by movies wherein one twin feels a pain and the other senses it and vice versa. Quite recently the Hindi movie "Judwa" if I am not mistaken dealt with this phenomenon I believe. If my memory serves me right, another Jackie chan movie had the same theme.

All said and done It’s a fact at least in my case that whenever I have fallen sick or am in the process my twin sister has felt the same. Sounds quite astounding isn’t it but it’s a fact. Take for example me working the night out to finish off an assignment I had. Not because I had not planned it out, but I guess that’s the thing about software and OS. They never seem to behave the way you want them to be, especially when you try and plan activities with them being the central theme.

In my case, I had worked till 11.30 and then came to the lab after dinner at around 1.00 in the night, cycling in the chilly English weather. The moment I entered my lab, I could feel the chill down the spine, and I knew I am not quite feeling well. But work was important and I went on with my assignment. Towards early morning, somewhere around 6.00 / 6.30 I was all done. After doing the electronic submission, I trod back home once again enduring the early morning fog. it’s surprising how every element in the world conspires to spoil your mood especially when you are not in the best of health.

Wonder of wonders, by the time I woke up mid afternoon, I just could not stand up. My body was so hot that you could even make an tortilla on my chest. I just made a quick call to my best buddy who stayed on campus and told him to book an appointment with the doc. He came to my place in a cab and helped me get to the health center and back home. The doctor confounded my worst fear. It was viral flu and to confound it further I had a severe throat infection possibly affecting my larynx.

I stayed put till mid evening on the pain killers provided but my discomfort was increasing with every passing minute. At last I decided to make a call home, seven seas away. As I came down from my room upstairs the phone began to ring. The sound was distinct and in my heart I could sense it should be from home.

I picked up the call and in my non existent voice somehow rattled "Heloooo", the voice at the other end was an unmistakable audible. "Sudhir, you ok, did you eat, what are you doing, is everything all right". Only one person in the whole world has got the remarkable ability to shoot questions with such intensity, faster than an AK-56. No marks for guessing who it is !!!

Before I could rattle off what my problem was she has sensed it, and her home remedies followed. Gargle with salt water, eat warm food, avoid curd, stuff with oil, spices etc since it spoils your throat and so on.

Finally what seemed like an eon she replied, "You know since yesterday I am getting this feeling that something is wrong that’s why I called though I know its early morning for you and my gut feeling was right"

While this can be construed as a stray case, mind you there are numerous cases when I have felt the same and vice versa. Mentioning all that on this blog would make it come out as one of those SOAP opera's you keep seeing on television and honestly that is not my intention.

Having said that it gives me a mixed bag of feelings when something like this happens. I mean what exactly could be construed as a reason for this phenomenon. While I have heard of telepathy and like wise stuff I guess it has more to do with genes in my case.

Whatever be the reason I am not COMPLAINING and I am very happy about the fact that wherever in the world I am, someone at least senses my feelings no matter how closely related it is......

Darn those Perverts !!!

Its been less than 4 days since i got the invite from one of my best friends to join her online portal as well as develop mine. Thinking this would be a good one, I spent all my time getting in all my contacts and friends world over whom i would want to be in touch with since I wanted this to be a private world.

Things went on pretty smoothly and within 4 days i got most of my friends to sign up and developed a network of friends. Most of them I was getting a chance to talk to after almost 2 years or so and it was a very pleasant experience for me.

Today late evening I got a call from a friend of mine who's in US. She started yelling at me for being a snob and doing this perverted kind of stuff. Taken aback, I asked her what is she talking about. This was the moment of truth for me and what unfolded was perhaps the biggest tale of debauchery that has happened to me so far.

Apparently someone had viewed my profile and had taken one of my pics and posted it in his profile. This so called XYZ happened to be a moderator for some kinda sex chat group. This would not have been found at all had the moderator not done the mistake of sending out an invite to my friend itself.

All said and done, its damnning and I am left to wonder who the hell this pervert could be and what an audacity he has to take the pic. In anycase cyber crime laws are virtually non existent in my country and as long as this situation exist I am pretty sure I can jst sit around and suck my thumb.

First thing i did was take away all the pics that were there on the portal and share this piece of news with my friends. The next was to log an official complaint with the portal guys. I am pretty sure nothing much would be done, but atleast they may take congnizance of the complaint and either ask the moderator to withdraw the pic or else shut down his forum.

I guess its my good fortune I found it out sooner than I thought so maybe the damage was contained. As for what else can this lead to , all i can do is sit and wait wht other problems come along with this.......

TIME WILL TELL .........................

Marriage Eaaaaaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!

Darn another round of relatives coming over and that means another session of endless, irritating, mindless questions and pep talk. Goddddddddd !!! I can be an actor considering the fact that I tolerate these small talk and put on my best act of obedience personified during these stupid sessions.

At 27 just because my friends and class mates are married or tying the knot this year doenst mean I too have to do it. Some of them come up with absolutely ludicrous reasons as to why I should start girl hunting. Here is an example " Getting married at a proper age is a necessity"

Ok fine, so what decides a proper age ?? Is it some kinda system like you go to a market and ask for a 1 Kg of stuff and he weighs the same and gives you ???. So same way i go before my elders and they decide that i am of proper age for marriage and i lend my neck to anyone who would care ?

I have my own plans, my own dreams which i am just beginning to live. I dont care what people say about age and stuff and generic or other reasons about marriage. I am not in a frame of mind to form a commitment and let my dreams float around since now that i am married i have to work things out from a different perspective.

I just wish people understand that like every important thing, marriage too is a sacred bond. For it to be fruitful it requires patience, understanding and above all a commitment towards the relation. These things cannot be judged or as is mostly the case misjudged in those few meetings that a person gets before getting tagged. Besides that I find the tradition of going over to see a girl more pathetic than anything else.

Given my frame of mind and my reluctance when it comes to marriage I just hope someone take's time to understand that I too have a life, a freedom i cherish and above all plans and aims which need to materialise before I decide on this.

As for marriage it can WAIT come what may. My life has just begin and I want to cherish every moment of it as a singleton rather than burden myself with an additional responsibility in addition to the existing ones.

Are we really doing visible work ???

AAh finally the weekend is here. Been waiting for it all through this week partly because it was a hectic week, with back to back work and bull shit coming in from all sides. Add to it my new found passion of going for parasailing.

Well i guess been at the top gives me the kicks since staying in my present firm all i do is work like a donkey and carry the load from here to there and so on. So whats the agenda for the week ?? nothing much jst laze around home,fix the remote, eat at the new restaurant with Ashwin my good o'l buddy at the Univ and just have a gala time. On the professional front i very well intend to start my preparation for the balance score card. this should be interesting.

On thing i found strange was the lack of company sponsored mechandise for our india development center. Can you believe it, we actually dont have any company related material like cups, tee's , diskettes, dairies etc that can be bought or gifted. Everywhere a company would either gift their merchandise on demand or ask for a nominal cost to pay off the costs incurred but out here we dont have any such stuff.

I mean an employee is the best advertisement that a firm can have and here we are with nothing to show out for. Believe me, a colleague and me spent atleast an hour searching our internal sites for any links or information regarding company sponsored mechandise and except for europe and US, there was no India specific site :-(. How ridiculous can it get. I mean here we are doing all the high tech jobs at 1/4th price and we cant get company related stuff since its not available here.

I very well intend to take this matter up with the concerned sources but honestly speaking I am tired of this step motherly treatment. I had some small pep talk between senior management guys and i found it quite true that although we work our butts out, we dont have much of a visibility. The solution to this would be to do what work is being done out there and do it better and show that we are worth much more than the paltry sum that trickles down to us. Unfortunately every indian including me believes that this is an impossible task and we cant do much about it. How i wish we get along or build a group of people around the likes of sam pitroda or narayan murthy and teach them a thing or two.

Hopefully it will happen soon.

Jesus how bad can it get !!!

AAhhh just finished another marathon shift slogging in the office but as usual i ended up coming back home disappointed. When i completed an MS i had hoped that my credentials would get me a job, money, status etc etc the list was endless but 2.5 years down the line, I dnt know if i am wasting my time in all these trivial pursuits.

Been working for the past 15 months for a Fortune 10 firm but whats the point. Every where i see, i find ppl who screw it up for you and i end up take the blaming for it. for example today one of the senior engineers forced me to communicate an issue with the onsite coordinator and that too at 4.00 in the morning which i dutyfully did and what did i get in return, NOTHING just a strong verbal warning and smirks from the others who dont realise how difficult life can get when you have difficult people in your firm.

I am working with people who dont understand the process, methodologies we are using, why when, what etc and to top it all their main concern is the release should be successful come what may. For this, they will cancel leaves, pass comments, detain you, test your skills, verbally assail you behind your back and show whos in charge when ever they get a turn.

Sometimes i think, why did i pray so much that i get this white collar job. I literally forced god with threats, tears etc etc to get me this job and here i am earning what a fresher earns, doing mundane stuff and generally ruing the fact that doing good doenst matter in this industry, ppl still kick your butt whenever they get a chance. Fact is for every mistake you make there are 1000 ppl waiting to kick your behind.

Can you imagine I prepared a knowledge brief for our annual technical conference and no one from my team even had the courtesy to read it and render feedback I mean how selfish can you get. I actually had comments from other development team who felt that i have done an extra ordinary piece of work since I had just joined the company less than a year ago and have raised my technical acumen to such heights.

the only person who appreciates me is my manager who makes it a point to make me feel wanted whenever he meets me, be it at the club, cofee shop or down our hallways. After all in my company the manager is your living god and as long as he is around i am sure it wont get worse than this. complaining and crying would only make me come out as a sissy and besides there are 10 thousand engineers waiting to take my place should i have any concerns. I agree these things happen in every firm its just that at times i feel so frustrated as to why am i being singled out like this ?? I somehow have this feeling that its just to show me down before my manager that i am being given all kinds of odd jobs so tht they can raise an issue everytime i go wrong.

as i trudge my way back home, I am just glad that at the end of the month, i get some precious money which helps me pay a part of my bank loan, buy stuff for myself and my stress busters (my 2 lovely nieces aged 5 and 8 months resp) and generally take a bike ride down the dusty bangalore roads.

end of another thank less day but yet life goes on. As i mention in my prayers every day "Thank you god for giving me this morning and all that you have given me so far !!!! "

I AM SO GLAD I CAN TALK WHATEVER I WANT ON A BLOG !!!! :-)