Jesus how bad can it get !!!

AAhhh just finished another marathon shift slogging in the office but as usual i ended up coming back home disappointed. When i completed an MS i had hoped that my credentials would get me a job, money, status etc etc the list was endless but 2.5 years down the line, I dnt know if i am wasting my time in all these trivial pursuits.

Been working for the past 15 months for a Fortune 10 firm but whats the point. Every where i see, i find ppl who screw it up for you and i end up take the blaming for it. for example today one of the senior engineers forced me to communicate an issue with the onsite coordinator and that too at 4.00 in the morning which i dutyfully did and what did i get in return, NOTHING just a strong verbal warning and smirks from the others who dont realise how difficult life can get when you have difficult people in your firm.

I am working with people who dont understand the process, methodologies we are using, why when, what etc and to top it all their main concern is the release should be successful come what may. For this, they will cancel leaves, pass comments, detain you, test your skills, verbally assail you behind your back and show whos in charge when ever they get a turn.

Sometimes i think, why did i pray so much that i get this white collar job. I literally forced god with threats, tears etc etc to get me this job and here i am earning what a fresher earns, doing mundane stuff and generally ruing the fact that doing good doenst matter in this industry, ppl still kick your butt whenever they get a chance. Fact is for every mistake you make there are 1000 ppl waiting to kick your behind.

Can you imagine I prepared a knowledge brief for our annual technical conference and no one from my team even had the courtesy to read it and render feedback I mean how selfish can you get. I actually had comments from other development team who felt that i have done an extra ordinary piece of work since I had just joined the company less than a year ago and have raised my technical acumen to such heights.

the only person who appreciates me is my manager who makes it a point to make me feel wanted whenever he meets me, be it at the club, cofee shop or down our hallways. After all in my company the manager is your living god and as long as he is around i am sure it wont get worse than this. complaining and crying would only make me come out as a sissy and besides there are 10 thousand engineers waiting to take my place should i have any concerns. I agree these things happen in every firm its just that at times i feel so frustrated as to why am i being singled out like this ?? I somehow have this feeling that its just to show me down before my manager that i am being given all kinds of odd jobs so tht they can raise an issue everytime i go wrong.

as i trudge my way back home, I am just glad that at the end of the month, i get some precious money which helps me pay a part of my bank loan, buy stuff for myself and my stress busters (my 2 lovely nieces aged 5 and 8 months resp) and generally take a bike ride down the dusty bangalore roads.

end of another thank less day but yet life goes on. As i mention in my prayers every day "Thank you god for giving me this morning and all that you have given me so far !!!! "

I AM SO GLAD I CAN TALK WHATEVER I WANT ON A BLOG !!!! :-)