Godmen and C P !!

I am a big fan of C P Surendran, not because like him, I seek an identity myself but perhaps the fact that his writings are so very much spot on. Infact people with average IQ can follow what he says and identify with him. Best of all, he asks questions or throws light on facts that the common man would ask. I am yet to come across anyone who can write so fluidly..

Now why did I mention him, in the first paragraph, well the reason would be clear at the fag end of the post. Now that finally the so called GOD has been laid to rest, print media would get something else to write about. For starters, I do not need to see all the celebrities tweeting their hearts out for this man, neither do I need to see someone I immensely respect as a sports person, shed tears for him.

It was kind of shocking to see Sachin Tendulkar with moist eyes for this man, but the more I reasoned about it, the more I felt that despite having 350+gods, we STILL take refuge in godmen/women. Why do we need this? What could possibly be the reason that eastablished and the most sane people chuck everything out of their life and follow these guys ? Would I ever ? I hope I never. I mean in terms of faith, I maybe a tad lower than my better half but come what may I just don’t see myself stopping for a visit to any godman or woman no matter what.

We have come a long way from being a archaic ideaology driven caste based society to its present form. True a lot of things still need to change but I guess most of us if not all have atleast 50% less complaints from our religion, whatever it maybe as compared to our predecessors. The winds of change have mostly left us with a sense of belonging to a sect most of the time.

What has perhaps not changed et all is our dependence on godmen or intermediaries that the supporters would like to call them. Whether we need them or not is debatable of course but I cant help but chuckle everytime someone advises me about any such folks. Maybe I am the lucky one, I just had to pray and my problems were resolved. I still feel more at peace going to a temple and sitting around than going to a satsang or prancing around showing my faith. I certainly hope I stay like that till I go six feet under …

And now as a parting thought let me leave you guys with this article, which would give reasons for my first para, ask a few questions to both supporters and detractors alike and hopefully leave you smiling if not a chukle …

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India-Circus/entry/why-does-sathya-sai-baba-need-a-ventilation-system

World Cup Encounters !!

So after a gap of 28 years we got the World Cup. I would be lying if I said I did not utter a prayer, hoping we get the cup this time not for anyone but for Sachin. Somewhere deep down, I very strongly felt that he is worthy of holding the world cup before he retires. The youthfulness that he has, I sure hope it (the retirement) does not happen anytime soon.

Another player I absolutely loved watching this tournament was Yuvraj, it sure was a treat and I hope after his partying and such activities he gets back to the game and keeps giving it his best as he did this tournament. Lastly the person we all love to trash Sreesanth. You might end up saying he is a lucky mascot but more than being a mascot, I think he is lucky himself as luck would have it we ended up on the winning side and he got himself a crore rupees + a villa worth 55 lacs for being such a poor sport.

The only think I feel probably didn’t go well was the fact that I ended up arguing and finally breaking off all ties with an old mate. Well it took me sometime to do that, but I guess he had it coming. We all can act pretty immature when young but for some experience and age does not contribute to any sort of maturity if et all. They all like to live in their so own world guided by lethargic principles and their demented concepts and composure. It was crazy, with me tweeting and being constantly on Facebook and at the same time responding to their stupid messages and emails.

I for starters have a very thin margin of error for such retarded folks and I guess that is what showed up that day. Coming in uninvited, making a totally irresponsible if not pathetic comment and using a public forum to voice what I see as a stupid line of thought was too much I could take. I had to give it back and I did which eventually lead to this, but I can safely say, it never made me feel I went overboard. For now I am glad I don’t have to talk to or act normal with this person and that’s pretty much what matters to me.

Life is looking good, I am getting back to my passions be it reading or just walking around aimlessly. I have a few wants here and there, which are going to be taken care of albeit in due course. I have a few ideas up my sleeve and I am glad I have started to work on them in some ways if not all. I look forward to each day and every trial and tribulation that comes I am confident of facing it as and when it happens...

Is it just the new me or has some bug bit me ... Aah I don’t know and honestly I don’t care as the truth is ... I am LOVING it ...

Successful !!!

what would you define as success ? is there a well thought and defined success title? I mean when would you say I am successful? does wealth or title or other such monetary belongings define success? Do you feel you are successful? I am dealing with questions like this a lot these days. I am also dealing with what is known as attitude. Do I have the attitude to succeed? Do I have an "attitude" or can I ever get to a point where my attitude takes me where I wish to go ?

Truth be told, I don’t feel I am successful, but neither do I feel I have failed. given the choices, I made the best of the opportunities that were presented to me and while, I did falter, I have had my fair share of success. If being pulled down and yet being able to surface and keep yourself alive defines or can be taken as an essential part of success then yes I am successful. On the other hand, job title, monetary and other such benefits defines success then maybe I am not successful. I was never lucky enough to boast of a bank balance, but if I am asked whether I have enjoyed life, then yes, I have and anyone who knows me will vouch for that.

In fact, I had zeroes in my account as I had student loans and other such expenses to pay (how important or necessary were they would be the topic of an all together different blog post) but then I got married and I realized that my life pretty much of a zero till then could and did change. It was a welcome change because now what looked impossible to me seems possible.

It’s a combination of these that lead me to think what success would mean to me or how would I define success and whether I am successful. It also leads me to think what my attitude is like, and how good or better it has become and if it’s not, what do I need to change and how ? If I ever get around to changing myself what would the change be like? would I be happy being successful in everyone's eyes and a forced one for me ? or would I be happy if I consider myself successful while the world does not ? If I ever have kids ( I want to but I don't know if I would ever) would they judge me by my eyes or that would bring a third kinda reasoning I would need to consider?

While I would never let myself falter in something I pick up, of lately I have began to notice that more than challenges, I prefer certainty. I like the prospect of taking the same route to go to work, the bank of whatever I am doing, than trying stunts or maybe take a calculated risk ( e.g. invest in stocks). Is that just me or is it age that’s catching up? Sure thing I have spent quite a few months mulling over this fact but as of yet, I do not have a respite. I do consider myself lucky, I have got most if not all of what I wanted, but my worry is my list of wants seem to grow while my chances of getting them in this life type seem to ebb. it's toxic and this elegant (if I could ever say so) mulch which was supposed to do good is slowly eating away inch by inch with time ...

it remains to be seen, if I would ever gather my thoughts, get over my trepidation and perhaps get a definite answer for now I am trying to float and I am hoping as the storm breezes over I might just find a new land, a new beginning or more importantly a meaning in this lifeless pursuit... amen .....

Crash Land ...

Hop, Skip and Jump, if i could ever describe my career in 3 words, this would be it. The eternal crests and troughs, as i go through the different phases of a professional career. Which reminds me, how many of you guys actually burn out as much as I do or maybe even faster?

Its going to be 3 years since i first came to this country. Time sure flies, in this time period, i hopped from being a consultant to a full time employee skipped as i fought hard to win a losing battle which was to face an imminent lay off, joined another tech major only to get "REDDIED" that i finally landed up where i am right now. 3 years, 4 employers and people yet believe, we guys are taking away jobs, when the truth is, its a vicious circle and it takes more than guts to survive.

I wish i had it easy. At times i really do, but i know for sure, that if I was supposed to have it so easy, i might not even try to survive as much as i do now. Now that makes sense to me, unless it really consumes me, i lose interest faster than a stressed out woman, who is given a no limits credit card to shop.

As i leave out the cosy confines of Ohio, i look out and suddenly i realize, it is beautiful, much beautiful that i thought. The early morning sun ain't playing any games, and the beautiful forests on either side of the interstate don their hats of fog in all their splendor. I actually want to stop and take a few snaps, but I am afraid, if I change my mind, I might just head back home and forget about relocation and this new position all together.

And then it happens. I am jolted back from sleep, kaput!!! the dream is over and with that all my major plans, i had been making. It does not matter if its not my fault. If someone took as much as 1 month to roll out an offer and 2 months to even begun processing my transfer application. In the end, a budget cut made all the difference and I was left holding onto an offer letter which is perhaps worth as much as a toilet paper.

I might have seen it coming, but if i did i think i overlooked it. Even in corporate america, people do actually make you an offer and then conveniently refuse to honor it. so who do i complain to now? actually no one, because the more i look at it, the more i feel that this is how it was meant to be.

I started off at a new firm, a far less glamorous role that whatever i had done so far. It keeps me busy, i don't leave work till about 7-8 in the evening. It consumes me much more than i had bargained for and most importantly, it rarely gives me the time to think about what went wrong and where. I am waiting for time, I know it heals all wounds, and i am waiting to see how long it takes.

As for now, life goes on. I suddenly miss Ohio a lot more, i have reasons to, I had a few good friends there and life was a ball at least till last month it was. But looks like god had other plans and so here I am. Hopefully this experience will make me a stronger man, if not better so lets just wait and see how it goes ...

Aah Life... here i come ....

A state of mind !!!

Often at times, i have felt the need to kneel, to pray or maybe just sit around doing nothing but retrospect. In reality, i think the time is approaching. the past few days especially I feel the need to be inside myself. Leaving aside the diagnosis, the perils i will face as my life begins to form shape, a part of me right now is just longing to idle

While the exterior has taken some beating given the state of my health, the rest of the body is still fine and it would be a sheer waste of an abundant life if i do not even try to reach my potential

Having said that, somehow i feel drained, a part of me is always tired, wanting to rest, take a break, while the other half is sprinting, trying to keep the pace, move quickly and swiftly, duck and take cover cause my life depends on it. I feel like i am in one of those spy movies, where being alert and on the move is the only difference between a bullet and your temple. The rest of the time goes in tracking your prey and in preparing to be alive.

The good news being, I am not ready to give up, at least not without a fight, the bad news being, if i give up, it will take along with it 2 lives, one being mine and the other being my better half. Fortunately, every time i see her, I feel pride and if i ever happen to be a sissy it would be such a let down. So diagnosis aside, i promised i will do my best, the rest as they say is in gods hands.

I now feel more unrest than usual, we all have a definite and perhaps a short life span, and i somehow feel there is so much for me to do.. i want to do that one step at a time and i think i am on the right path and i am hoping my energies hold, i really do.

I am out in the wild my running shorts on, and the cold breeze hitting my face. I huff and puff hardly the marathon runner i used to be but hey I am getting there, i am getting the much needed push from the wind god and I have more reasons now to see the finish line early ...

After all, we all have a definite time frame and decidedly there is so much to do .....

Grudges, Stupidity, Bullshit and more ...

There is at times a very good reason to hold a grudge. I know forgiveness is the new mantra for life, forgive this, forgive that and the works

Harbor bitterness and you get lose it all and the countless feel good stories based on forgiveness but you know what ? nothing makes me feel better than a well nourished grudge and quite rightly so, because everytime my grudge is bought to the surface, i tend to just rightfully pay it back with equally bitterness.

Take for example my grudge aganist my ex manager. She could not stand the fact that someone could walk away with the honors apart from her. Thus began a saga of discredit and disdain, which ended when i threw my resignation letter. For a while i thought about forgiveness but trust me everytime i tried to forgive, my alter ego came up with equally stronger reasons to give it back. Give it back i did albeit in a silent manner, when right before her very eyes, I went on to get promoted and finally fall in the same seniority grade as her. I pity her, not for skills, she is damn good technically or othewise, its just sad that to win, you end up crushing people to move ahead. I empowered people to move ahead, not crush them , Like i said before i got this position, i am in right now.. I compete with myself not with peers or with my colleagues ...

So all you people who believe in forgiveness, get on get a game and nourish a good grudge first and the pleasure you get when you give it back and then lets sit and talk about forgiveness. For all i care, I would give your petty talks two hoots and walk away ..

Ohh by the way i forgot to add the stupid flop tennis star wants to marry a twice married fraud. so what will we see next? Pakistan playing mediator in afghanistan or iraq? I have never till date ever sided with these religious guys, infact i hate them to the core but hear me out, I am no gandhian .. for all you know you try to kick my butt and depending on the circumstances, i either screw the day lights out of you or tap the dust out of my pants and wal on.. but consider this

So what clinched the deal? Money ? Status ? Privileges ? Or All ?

You ask me, I would say its such a shame.

Is there a dearth of equally if not better qualified people from your own sect within our country ?

You were born here, raised here, got every single government benefit, endorsements and the works and then this?

Critics might want to pan me saying It's personal, yeah maybe it is, but what about the countless who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks from the past year? Can you ever forget Major Unnikrishnan, Captain Saurabh Kalia, Or Major Manish Pitambare. Do you have any sense of equality, you want to cross borders and sync up with the very people who instigated, supported and encouraged this slaughter?

Sure our twice married, jihadi hero is in love a second time and that too when the first one is still around. I say here is what we should do. Throw her out, revoke her citizenship and throw every single f^^^^^ who sides with these infidels. The moment we do this, the country is freed and our state remains for the people it actually belongs too.

I could write more, quite honestly but as i said its personal, this blog is personal and my views are personal. But i am quite keen to hear if any indian worth his salt can every forgive this. I know for sure, i will hold this grudge and just as i said, I am really loving it ...

We lack the balls to ever take action and quite honestly there will be more to come .. for now sit back enjoy the mega serial this event will unfold for every as^^^^associated with this inglorious event will want to share the limelight and the media which for ever keeps us occupied with such mundane and bull shit will keep the pyre going ....

Kudos to the press for highlighting this bull shit and to both the parties involved, you all belong to the under league and quite rightly so ...

Habits ...

Annoying habits, I am sure each one of us have at least one if not more but then why is this topic of interest to me now ?

Truth is every day i see annoying habits. Stuff that annoy me big time, especially now when its the end of the project and tensions and escalations are high

So what do i do to escape getting my pressure high? I go for a walk or i go and talk to a bunch of people I know can lighten me up.

But what makes it amusing is it set me thinking. I have a bunch of them myself which now as i think about it will be equally irritating for people

One of them being "Picking my nose". I probably got it from my childhood, when i was a perpetual nasal liquid guy. Skinny , all bones, i perhaps took to picking because i had so much of dried nasal fluid i could build a house with it ... you know the House of Wax kinds ... but who ever wants to stay in a house made of nasal fuild ... uggghhhh... how corny, it sounds more like a Adams family joke now ...

Now that i do not have any nasal fluid, even then the habit has remained. I sometimes feel that my brain is shrinking while my nose is expanding and why not, every time I am thinking or concentrating its not difficult to notice that my chin is getting a cleft and my hands keep moving towards my nose on and off ...

Another annoying habit i have, if i don't want to respond, i can shut my senses off completely. Which means you can rant, wave your hands, break things, hit me, do just about anything, and as long as it doesn't hurt i will continue to just do what i am doing .. Now that I know can piss many off .. My dad is a good example ...

But then as they say, there is always a payback time .. My wife is doing that job just right ... I can fret and fume and stumble and mumble about how many times I need to tell her the same thing ... she will smile .. keep her mouth shut and still end up doing just as it pleases her or rather planned ...

Anger management .. Now i think i should write about that .. cause ostensibly ... that's the next thing that should be on my target of things to do now ...

I can see my dad smile ... I know for sure he is ....