Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Monday Blues err RED !!!

Just my day, dont ask. To start with I had a security policy violation and that meant by the time I reached my desk from the lab, I had like around 7 messages from various departments concerning security. I spent a good 1 hour assuring them of the safety of their information.

Then when I was all done, I just got up to stretch myself and the wide movement of my arms sent a USB port drive crashing to the ground. Ohh wait a minute it didnt go alone, it took the wireless mouse along with it. The best part: I killed two birds with one stone, both of them broke into 2 pieces right before me on the floor.

Part 2 done, I came back to my seat and I found that I had missed a DHL consingment, and I had no clue where my company ID card was. Icing on the cake: I have to take the fire exit stairs to my 11th floor office since the rest of them are all security tagged.

I went to warm my lunch at the pantry, put the food in the microwave and walked back since Inessa from security wanted to have a quick chart about the lost card. By the time I was done, my food was hot and the underside burnt. I had to be extra careful not to scrap the burnt side out.

Sat down to email project status mail and found that I cant find my v3i. I had left it at the security desk to have a photograph taken for a new badge. Super just my luck ......

Larry was nice enough to come over to give me my phone and the ID card. Bless him, as he walked away I put the phone and ID card onto my top pocket to realise the darn thing inside my pocket was the old ID card...

Wait, its not over as yet I missed the shuttle and had to walk 40 mins to reach home and with just a sleevless jacket on, my insides were ICE by the time I got back.

Lastly I had left the steam iron on my bag, the water had seeped in wetting all the ironed clothes. As I put them out to dry, she called and I didn't hear the phone vibrate. It went to voice and I cant call back either...

Monday Blues sorry I saw only "Red" today....


Friday, October 26, 2007

Moral Policing

tich tich tich... all said and done now its moral policing in colleges back home. Heck you know what I am glad about? That I passed out long ago about 7 years to be precise. Guess what makes me happy? Well for starters no one bothered to know if we attended classes and second you could wear a bloody chaddi ( shorts as they say ) and come to class and while some would give you a "aagaya faltu" (" look a hippe" ) look , the rest of us would look on in amusement.

Had this been my case, I would have got myself slaughtered because for me dress code doesn't exist as yet. The recent mandate from one of the reputed colleges in my hometown says not to wear tee shirts to college and some actually turned away students since they wore tee's. How ridiculous!!!. Whatever happened to the truly cosmopolitan environment that was prevalent during my times. I hardly remember ever wearing a formal outfit while in college and neither did I on entering professional life until now tho.

The first 10-15 years our parents and school govern us ( is most cases its not bad). Next came college meaning the next 5-6 years is when youth and their ideas take root. I agree some kind of policing is important but just because there were no policing doesn't mean that most of the women on campus wore skimpy outfits or guys were all fatichar (hippe) kinds.

Neither can it be said that the "bhartiya nari " and the sabyatha conscious men were the ones you always and still look up to. Each side and I mean it, each side had its wolf in sheep's clothing. I can personally point out people who had pig tails in college and now work as senior managers for well known fortune firms as also women who wore mini skirts and are a happily married mother of 2 sari draped housewife.

The problem with us is this, we tend to make a lot of hullabaloo about everything and the second the decision makers think they are god, and their decisions are above reproach. While I am with you in some, I find that of lately I simply balk at the very idea you propose.

Restrictions if any and when backed with concrete ideas bear fruit. For e.g. dare anyone take a firearm with their on board luggage? I guess everyone is aware why its not allowed and none seems to mind either. For people who do mind, its time they wash themselves up first.

Similarly if you tell XYZ not to do this this and this and you back it up with definite reasons like ABC, EFG etc chances are they are more likely to follow. Makes sense but if you tell someone that you cant wear jeans because I want to prepare you for professional life that’s so ridiculous.

A small percentage and I mean it a small percentage of people decide and judge you based on your looks and your outfits. But having said that if someone comes up dressed in jeans for an interview I am sorry to say he is rejected because he doest have a clue what dressed for the "occasion" mean. As for professional life how many of us balk when we see a senior/junior guy wearing jeans and coming to office be it a Monday or otherwise?

Today we have so many ways in which we learn more about selling ourselves and creating an image and such. As for dress sense my lead came for a night out in a Sherwani and geez believe me he smelled more like a rotten tomato than a professional guy. Such faux paus are inevitable but where does this moral policing guarantee it will prevent such faux passes?

Is it that difficult to understand that while you are at will to police lets not impose unless there are drastic situations and enforcement is deemed mandatory? How would these policy makers feel, if the same students they are policing revert back with the demand that they wear khaddar to work, school or whatever? Khaddar is not everyone's taste and you wear what you are comfortable with as long as it’s not deemed a sore by the rest of your companions. I challenge them to come out with a list of majority people who swear jeans and tee's are sore to the eyes viz a viz something deemed "improper" like a mini skirt and a tank top.

Enough is enough, most of them are policed for long and its no big deal to give them "some" amount of freedom to lead another 4-5 years as they want albeit in check till work and professional pressures take them over.

I pity you guys, I seriously do because what we did back then are the same things that are being so cruelly taken away from you. Its true there were some sore eyes amongst out midst but a sizable percentage of us are truly the gentleman that education and freedom brings and we are truly glad for ...

I don’t know how far and to what lengths would these dictators go to, but given a choice I too would simply rebel and join your ranks because I believe education and freedom in the right proportion makes us a truly global citizen.

Can anyone say who support this decision enlighten me and back up their belief with "judicious" reasons??

I hardly think so.....

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Colors everywhere !!!

The white froth seamed from all sides. Hustled by the many obstructions they seemed to gained momentum as they rushed to the final outlet but not before handing out a quick wink and a “see you next time” whistle.

She was all around, all smiles and all set for the party. A myriad of colors greeted me at each stage and each corner. She was fiery at times, sometimes subdued and at times so moderate and conservative. It wasn’t just me who saw the change, the inhabitants did too and they joined me as we welcomed the beauty queen on her night out….

I stopped momentarily because he blocked the road. The sheer size gave us goose bums and the sparkling eyes coupled with the eerie atmosphere added to the ghostly setting. I looked right into the eyes of a moose and if you thought only wild animals are scary wait till you see one of them. You will see what I mean…

I stepped out and took one last look at her, darkness was falling and her thick blanket fit snugly around her, keeping her warm. Far away the light of the city greeted us across the bay…

Believe me when I say if there is anything more enticing than mother nature I would slap myself and I bloody well mean it.

(A bit delayed but better late than never, on location : New hampshire, vermont and south lebanon for their fall colors !!!)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

YOU have won !!!


I am sick of those bangwas, chamba, tulo, kerrara and such others.

Everyday I am bombarded by atleast 15 of such phoney characters with details about money in serra leone, ghana, alaska, timbuktu and so on

As if I am so stupid to actually read through their lengthy proposals on how to transfer the money to my account or believe my wealthy god forsaken country man wants to do some good and believes I am the "choosen" one for such a deed.

Ably supported by email lottery winners they drive me nuts each day when I login to my mail box. One good thing here is atleast gmail is able to block them but yahoo for all its security features is never able to screen them out.

How I wish I am able to send these stupid emails back to their senders themselves and see their chagrin as they search for an email amongst these unwanted ones. It would be like sifting through the haystack to find a needle and i seriously hope someone out there teaches them a lesson....

Let me just take a walk down the bay to cool off now.. havent been so pissed for a loong time...

#$%#^#^$% all of them and I seriously mean it this time....

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Long Wait....

I waited for you so long

but you never came ...

Depressed I began to walk along

Hoping to meet you on the way...

And I kept thinking all along

Was our love that strong ...

Was our friendship that true

With love for me and love for you?

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Religious or Spiritual ? why ?

I was reading a particularly intensive religio-spirituo book ( don't google, there is no such word, and if there really is, any resemblance is purely coincidental). What got into me? Have I decided to give up my IT career and become one of those fraud sanyasis (hermit)?

Well not exactly, I do want to go for a drive or at least a walk but I can't drive to save my life and it's freezing outside. If I do walk, I would probably get lost since I am new to this area and the woods surrounding the place gives me the creeps more so at this time of the day when the sky takes a morbid dull color. Why just today I captured 2 deer's nibbling the grass on my bro's back lawn. I did snap but darn me for gifting my SLR to Indian railways and darn the digicam I carry around since the 12X zoom sucks big time.

The book was confusing, it talked about spirituality and religion and sometimes both in so many different terms/ ways that at the end of it the reader would get confused as to what is religion and what spirituality means. Or perhaps since my knowledge of these saintly matters is as good as my expertise with the financial markets maybe it's just me who's feeling like this. All the same, I do read a lot and many a times abstract things but that has never left me clouded as much as this did. To be honest, I read through the last few chapters only to get the mental satisfaction of having read the book page to page, cover to cover :) . I admit I was that BORED.

At the end of it I was like what was that part in the book referring to? Psychoanalysis or was it parapsychology or was it something else? No it must be spirituality err no religion in this context. Ohh yeah whatever… Geez it sounds more like latin or greek now

So what am I ? religious or spiritualistic? In the context of the book I was neither but you ask me and I would say I am spiritual why ?

because spiritualism

for me is my ability to connect to my inner self. the connection that directly alludes to my authentic nature.

I am spiritualistic because for me there is no difference between the mainstream religious movements. I am able to relate to each and hence am equally comfortable removing my shoes to enter a place of worship to bending on the knees to acknowledge another to cup my hands in reverence to a third.

I am equally comfortable in my own skin and the ideology that a particular religion ascribes to. while i may not accept everything a religion has and question many of its tenets including my own, i don't force my opinions on others nor do i join movements to express my solidarity with them.

I am not and will not get bogged down by the theories floating around as to who came first, who's related to who and who to pray to and i particularly don't get into the power struggles between the various factions including sub sects under my own neither do I try to make sense of the philosophical confusions that center around religion and its relevance.

while religion for me

means spiritually being able to relate to facts and events and acknowledging the presence of the omnipotent by alluding to the actions i do. actions which in turn are dictated by my inner self.

Is the viability of presence of a spiritual perspective which gives me the courage to face challenges and to not be undermined

Means to question without doubt and to find meaningful answers to my problems.

Means to keep my desire, feelings and jealousy distinct and independent of each other.

Means to be understanding, to appreciate, and to evaluate every action in its own merit

so then what are you? religious or spiritualistic? why? .......

Monday, October 08, 2007

its a YEAR old today !!!

it was a cool October eve when they met at one of those shopping malls. he had been plannin the meet from quite some time you know and every time it was put off. Finally pissed he had to give an ultimatum, which fortunately for him worked, and off he went right from office for the scheduled meeting.

The mall was the place they first met and over what seemed just technical questions, sms had given way to phone calls and they chatted as if they knew each other from long, pulling legs and generally acting smart. It was fine for quite sometime before he felt meeting was necessary since he was forgetting the face.

The dinner at the thai restaurant was great. he was a foodie and had chosen the place carefully and besides it came from high recommendation from all quarters so he was sure about the choice. The funny part being he ran out of gas as he set out to drop her and had to push the bike a good 2 miles before he landed at the nearest gas station. To celebrate his astuteness they settled for ice creams as dessert.

Today things stand different between them. He admits they had their fair share of differences but each time they were discussed on its own merit and while some of them were at times not justified nothing concrete came out from those discussions. she still lead the life she wanted to and he while being open about his displeasure never interfered since it was none of his business.

So apart from being occasionally sarcastic he never had anything to feel let down about. For all that matters he knows if required he would still drop everything and rush to her help but the difference here being unlike before he is not anticipating but waiting for the call.

No 2 people are alike and so is she. and while she may have her share of faults there is one thing that still keeps the relation alive in spite of the distance between them. The reason being the fact that while she can be a total bitch at times, fish around all the time and flirt like hell, he knows for f$^&#$ sure that he still trusts her and so does she. Both of them are too proud to admit the fact that in spite of the differences when you need some sane advice or help you would get it and yep no questions would be asked....

Today its exactly a year since i met you and while i may be far if you happen to ever come reading i just wanted you to know I would never ever let you down, not you of all and certainly not your faith. I admit i can be a moron at times and quite judgmental too but at the end of the day I am just human you see ...

I guess I am too proud to admit all this before you or maybe I am just a coward, either ways it doest matter now, some day you will understand that not every relation is what as it sounds or looks like, sometimes relations are like a volcano, all silent outside but seething hard inside....

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Super Dad ? (mostly not) !!!

My friends son had wet his nappies again and he just sat there chatting away merrily to me about his impending trip as I was asking him to handle the child

Aah forget it, he doesn’t understand the difference between a diaper and a sanitary pad she yelped as she carried away the bawling baby soothing him all along. Which reminds me ….

One afternoon I was sitting with her in my lap when the slight change in the room odour caught me. I did what my sense told me and rushed to the washroom. As expected it all came out. My uncle was aghast. Did you actually do that he asked I mumbled “yeah, I did”. He rattles off how in 30 years of being the patriarch he never has done that, seconded by my aunt who had a sullen "bee-sting" look on her face now.

And now there all of but 2'4" inches stood the difference between my dad’s generation and mine. I am not making any tall claims here neither am I speaking for everyone ostensibly labeled generation X but I among the many guys I know have already taken a few lessons on the basics of parenting.

I don’t need recognition and neither do I need compensation so feminist’s stay off and macho’s go look somewhere else. I admit and I still believe mothers bear the majority of the burden of rearing a child at least in my country they do but it’s also true that belonging to the “male” species I still take decisions that are radically different from choices my folks made decades ago.

Now let me get this thing straight here. Men traditionally play the role of providers for the family they never did any other thing they never showed interest nor where they taught to. They still play the same role at least a vast majority of them, of acting as pillars to provide material stuff. It other words the traditional gender roles still apply. Dad providing and mom managing to make sure we were on right track.

But honestly times are changing. I for starters don’t want to get into that grove. It was definitely hard work for mom as she reared us 4 and while dad was with us, putting it bluntly the influence during early childhood was quite limited. But that doesn’t make him a bad parent, he was and still is an awesome dad, granddad, uncle etc as the case may be

All this is not to tell how terrific a dad I would be if that’s what you think. I rather like to think that I may get something out of this parenting, something that my dad didn’t and as expected neither did my uncle. Honestly there is ample room for improvement and hopefully when the time comes (maybe in another 2 years as I am 2(?) :) now ) I may do better and my kids still better. That’s the hope anyways….

For all you know, I might give my kids some off beat names and diligently document every self important profanity laced insight into rearing on my blog or as I believe the case would be, just be pleased with myself that I am trying my best to be a good parent.

My next generation would probably tell how successful men like me are but right now if you ask me, I guess we just have a different outlook than male species over the last few decades did, maybe we are more interested in our kids and maybe not, but the bottom line being I can tell for sure why and when her butt smells funky…..

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


She looked more like a model than a corporate czar you know and her companion the Richard Gere types, very mature and those wrinkles adding to the wisdom he owns. Both looked weary, awfully busy and definitely traveling for business purpose as they got to work the moment we all settled down for take off.

But it looked ridiculous that I sat in between. You see I have never been able to figure out how to get myself an aisle seat on a long flight and these self-check-in kiosks work so slow that all I want to do is get a damn boarding pass and rush through security check. Of course being male has its advantages but not while catching a flight and If you are unaccompanied, single and of Asian heritage you are every inch a potential terrorist which means you might as well be prepared for a looooooong security check. It’s quite annoying at times but that’s a small price to pay to keep those losers out and I certainly don’t mind …..

Mid way through the flight Ms Congeniality asked me what I do for a living. Followed by aah I see from Mr Gere and finally at the end of the 6 hour flight, it was like we have known each other for years. I don’t think I am a conversationalist and I was surprised how deep our talks went. From the indo-pak relations to traffic at these parts from software and client management to religion and sports and so on. At least the long flight seemed to be a lot shorter

They both work for a not for profit agency that caters to children. I used to volunteer for a very famous NGO till I got sucked into the rat race after which I have become a sponsor and the logistics guy than being on the field as I used to before. They reiterated that they would like to hear from me once I get back to their part of the world and I definitely intend to do that.

Children have always been close to my heart and while I admit they can get quite nasty here they are so very innocent all the same. You don’t hate your blood just cause they are nasty at times do you? Similarly these individuals have gradually been so shunned by society that they mistrust people and their intentions. You have to win them over bit by bit, it takes time and once they believe someone likes them the way they are and is ready to support them, most of them get on track meaning a decent education, a good if not a great job and of course spread the general feeling of being-good-do-good attitude.

How successful I am going to be I don’t know, but I certainly do intend to try my very best…

The Aftermath !!!

i still haven't heard from them. i mean cmon maybe i am just getting antsy for no reasons whatsoever. its just 3 in the afternoon here and perhaps they are working on my case. to be very honest, i would be awfully surprised if they don't call back, sure i made a small mistake at the fag end of the meeting but all the same i would be really surprised if that works against me.....

You know its unnerving and a very hard feeling that maybe i let them down. Aah well atleast i did the best i could given the circumstances and i would never doubt myself on that...

its been 2 days since i got her email and i am still thinking over it. you see i am vacillatating between "thinking about it" to "taking action" and right now since my mind is clouded with other details, i choose to sit tight. this is not something that i can decide at the spur of a moment and like i said, if i decide to go ahead, it would require convincing a lot of people and these people mean a lot to me.

i am actually between the devil and the deep sea. on one hand is the reason why i came here and the other is the reason that may decide the course of my life. tell you what, my best bet would be to take it easy and decide when i am more composed. I certainly intend to do that.

i do hope i get to come back. sure traffic sucks as also the cost of living but yet i surely want to come back. whether i do time will decide. if you like to travel like i do living out of a bag wouldn't be a problem et all rather its taken as some of the perks that form an essential part of your personality :).

i have another flight to catch exactly 6 hours after i land and right now getting some good sleep and possibly a safe ride home are on top of my mind. Dont want to land up with the homicide department for not doing my homework.....

Monday, October 01, 2007

City of "The Bay" !!!

It was a whirl wind trip across the city landscapes. I had just one day to spare and it was a jam packed schedule. The initial few hours were spent in meeting those long lost buddies who are in this part of the world and the evenings were reserved for my family namely my cousin sis and bro in law who reside her with her cute 1 year old daughter and my uncle and aunt.

Time sure flies and as the city tour ended today I must say I have achieved almost everything I had set out to do when I initially made the plan to come here. To talk about this city, it’s congested. I see a lot of people from my part of the continent and lesser locals here but I aint complaining. In addition this city is known as the Gay capital of the world.

It’s scenic, well kept and more importantly it entices you with its sheer beauty. Be it the suspension bridge or the impossible to escape prison nestled in the middle of the sea. Each of them has this propensity to attract you with its wicked smile.

A walk along the bay fuels that feeling of intrigue and its sheer beauty really enamors you. I could have walked for miles and miles along the shore but certain parts of it were closed for pedestrians and traffic darn my luck…

As is my style, I bought memorabilia nothing expensive just something that reminds me of where I had been and when. While the rest of the stuff was expensive I got what I wanted. I initially wanted to buy some shot glasses but then I don’t have a place to display them at least not now so I decided against it.

Those quaint little islands surrounded by the sheer expanse of the pacific ocean was so breathtaking. I remember taking out my cam to click some arial pictures but then decided against it given the paranoia related to air travel in this part of the world.

I am sure I loved the place. It feels like home for the simple fact that I have some friends here and an immediate family which means I won’t feel left out but then coming back or deciding to settle here is not in my hands. I had my chance to make an impression and I am sure I did a fair job, the rest as they say will happen…

Tomorrow I head back, and Tuesday I may be flying out to again to somewhere else but I admit I am looking forward to it. I just got the email from her that conveyed our “horror”scope don’t match. Not that it matters to me but I need time to convince myself that the escapade is worth the effort and that means come up with reasons to justify to people who mean so much to me why this should take place.

Some good some bad but all the same memories but I am trying my best to retain only the good ones while sift out the not to pleasant ones. As for her, I will need to think and come up with a solution real quick. It’s important and I am banking on the good times I had here to let me come up with a amicable solution for the quagmire I am in….