Thursday, May 31, 2007

And appreciated you are !!!

I won’t be famous nor would I exist in the limelight for long. Sure I had my fair share of basking in glory but I have consciously avoided being in the glare and would stand only and only if there is no other way out. Let’s just say my childhood experiences were a great teacher and have molded me this way.

So since I was asked today I thought maybe I should just try and qualify what would I say be an inspiration for me. Well for starters I don’t look for high status or an aura surrounding a personality. Sure by being famous you kinda tend to intimidate me at the onset but I guess I am yet to come across any “Famous” personality who can get me hooked all the time.

I had a Bollywood superhero sitting next to me on a flight and while others gawked I was just wondering how artificial he is even in personal life. He did everything to prove the same going over the same typical actions that have been repeated in each of his movies since I began to watch them… aaah so much for being a celebrity….

My inspirations have been typical commoners and sometimes a few high fliers. They are people who most of us can identify with. They are not the one(s) with the greatest talent, beauty or intelligence. Neither are they a hotshot career oriented personalities, new age gurus or worse still religious heads (as if we didn’t have enough of gods and goddesses, caste and caste wars, religions and religious fanatics).

But if you ask me, I wish I had their qualities. Sure I learned enough and I still am but I lack the courage, the planning or the dedication to pursue my life the way they do. Nope I don’t make them feel like demi gods or follow their whims and fancies to the core, rather I am ready to assail them when it’s required. But all said and done I am at times convinced their reasons are stronger than mine and hence the behavior is justified.

Makes sense doesn’t it. If someone can beat you with good and proven reasons than factual ones the sober ones would bow their heads and accept defeat. I feel no harm in doing so on the contrary I respect them for being unrivaled in their thinking and actions.

My inspirations in life have always been people who have loved a lot, and lost a lot including love. Their experiences are real and they are battle hardened and each experience only adds to their kitty of skills if not anything else. Yes they do lead a mediocre life, where in spite of the push pull factors surrounding their daily lives they live for the day and not tomorrow.

It was through one of those social sites that I met Ms X, sure nothing else was happening but as times flew up I realized there is so much about this person that I appreciate.

Never mind the fact that it’s all artificial but as the interactions grew I was convinced my analysis of X was correct to the core. In any case I was willing to face out the consequences of a not too exact profile picture.

Today we are worlds apart. Me in my own messy world where I compete in the rat race as that’s the way I was bought up and X in her world where things never seem to change.

I admire the ability to shrug things off and move ahead thinking “Well it could have been worse”. The nature of putting others before self and most importantly being content with what comes her way. I admire the courage, the desire to do good and most importantly to give without reservation in spite of the fact that things haven’t been ever “very good” for her since times immemorial.

I sure hope I learn to be happy the way you are so that when angels who bring in good times carry me out with them, I learn to appreciate it rather than worry about losing out or hurting someone else in the process.

I know you would come by and read this post and I do hope you understand how much you are loved, respected and appreciated albeit in my own small but insignificant way.

That’s the way I am and have been. Like I always say

I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked all of them and was never loved by all of them ... !!!

Thanks for making a difference …..

The Avenger !!!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Fridays with The Avenger !!!

Naa, its not a rip off from the famous book "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom my latest read. However I must add, I found many aphorisms in them, some of which I could relate to practically in every sense since I do the same ....

I hate such books but she thrust it to my hands obviously wanting me to read and I didn’t want to turn the offer down. What the heck it’s just a book, it won’t take my life for Christ sake anyways....

Sure enough, I finished the book in a days time, but what mattered more was how at least some if not all could be imbibed by each one of us. We have it all within us and yep we keep staring at each of these truths day in and day out, but we are so grossed in our position in the rat race that we seldom see to take notice.

Looking back I guess I too was a part of it. I wasn’t bad, I mean I would never work so hard to come out tops in the rat race, but I wasn’t so pathetic either to come last. I prefer the mid position and I was kinda liking the pace at which I was traversing each point in life. In the process I lost some, I gained some, but nevertheless life just went on..

One thing the whole episode has taught me was to be a little more patient with others. Naa I haven’t got "patience personified" status, just that I am more tolerant of others a lil bit more than I was till last time....

I am not complaining, compassion is not alien to me in any case and besides I like doing what I can irrespective of what others say. As we chomped on the last piece of Pizza, gulped down the soda and headed for the movie, I was surprised at my patience and how we were at loggerheads till last night and tonight she is my unofficial date...

First lunch, then a movie and finally a late night coffee and as I waved her a good bye, I couldn’t help but smile, I was beginning to live what I had just read and the experience was indeed wonderful as described....

They say a good book is like a heart felt experience and needless to say I lived most moments if not all as I perused the latest one...

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

A New Role Awaits !!!

That’s how we have always been you know. When one remains silent the other talks animatedly and vice versa. With the passage of time too, that behaviour hasn’t changed.

Now as I sit around and reminisce about those growing up years I cant help but wonder how time just flew by. Everything seems like it just happened yesterday. Even now during this period of intense activity and fluctuations where my mood rapidly vacillate between extreme stress or moodiness I cant help but enjoy the nostalgic feeling that they bring leading to a pronounced smile across my visage.

Now I have received a promotion and I am an uncle for a third time. What a fine time to add another darling to my already existing pair. Unfortunately like last time, this time too I would not be around to experience the sheer joy of watching him grow up as I would be leaving on a jet plane soon but neverthless I am excited and with that the prospect of finding a good enough name for him.

Not that I havent found one as yet, I have but I would have loved to give that name to my brothers kid when he begins a family but looks like I would have to tax my non existent brain cells once again when that happens as right now someone else demands my chosen name.

I do have a lot of avuncular pride more so since they are my immediate darlings and I cant help but thank god for considering me worthy enough of this position as also making sure that both mom and the kid are healthy and doing quite well.

As I pack my stuff to set up my appointment with the latest entrant I realise this wouldn’t have come at a much better time. Deep down my heart flutters and with that the pride returns, its time to take charge of a new role and a new responsibility and I am pretty sure I can handle this as best as it would ever get.

“Vedant”… here I come……………

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

To be an ASS or not to be ???

Today my friend and me parted ways. This person I WANT to call as my friend since I can’t recall any short comings during the short period that we were together. I admit we had our differences but somehow I never felt it would reach this stage when even communicating would become a problem.

Of course it hurts, primarily because I am yet to come to terms with the fact that even an odd message is a sign of interference. Thinking about the events of the past few days I just wanted to vent out my feelings and I did the mistake of calling my friend up......

I should have known the last thing that this person wants was to know is if I am still alive and kicking. Not that I wanted to but I unconsciously did which makes me feel awful at times and wonder if I am really bad as I am portrayed to be ?

Tell you what sometimes coming across as a person with lotsa feelings is equivalent to committing hara kirri since the only person losing out is you. How I wish I was a self conceited idiot and am able to leave my bag of emotions at home. Hoping someone understands is akin to asking for a favor and when the whole world conspires to do what you want, its just my fate that the ONLY person who should responds reads the heartache like a newspaper report and moves on as if its a routine one....

Maybe I should be really be an assole as in that case the one and the only thing that really matters would be ME, ME and only ME.

I would't mind if I am kicked on my behind for not making myself understood but giving up without even conferring me with a decent chance was like being dropped like a hot potato and somehow the reality is yet to sink in simply because I am eccentric but I am human and I exhibit all the emotions a normal human being has...

That's my feeling and I should have known my feelings at this point of time are like dirt & they can be swiped clean anytime it’s felt like.....

If only I was really understood ATLEAST once, maybe I am really worse, maybe I am not, maybe I should really leave my emotions behind as if not anything else they really make me feel so lost, dejected and of course hurt beyond repair :( ……......

Aaaaaaaaaah so much for being so considerate .........................