To be an ASS or not to be ???

Today my friend and me parted ways. This person I WANT to call as my friend since I can’t recall any short comings during the short period that we were together. I admit we had our differences but somehow I never felt it would reach this stage when even communicating would become a problem.

Of course it hurts, primarily because I am yet to come to terms with the fact that even an odd message is a sign of interference. Thinking about the events of the past few days I just wanted to vent out my feelings and I did the mistake of calling my friend up......

I should have known the last thing that this person wants was to know is if I am still alive and kicking. Not that I wanted to but I unconsciously did which makes me feel awful at times and wonder if I am really bad as I am portrayed to be ?

Tell you what sometimes coming across as a person with lotsa feelings is equivalent to committing hara kirri since the only person losing out is you. How I wish I was a self conceited idiot and am able to leave my bag of emotions at home. Hoping someone understands is akin to asking for a favor and when the whole world conspires to do what you want, its just my fate that the ONLY person who should responds reads the heartache like a newspaper report and moves on as if its a routine one....

Maybe I should be really be an assole as in that case the one and the only thing that really matters would be ME, ME and only ME.

I would't mind if I am kicked on my behind for not making myself understood but giving up without even conferring me with a decent chance was like being dropped like a hot potato and somehow the reality is yet to sink in simply because I am eccentric but I am human and I exhibit all the emotions a normal human being has...

That's my feeling and I should have known my feelings at this point of time are like dirt & they can be swiped clean anytime it’s felt like.....

If only I was really understood ATLEAST once, maybe I am really worse, maybe I am not, maybe I should really leave my emotions behind as if not anything else they really make me feel so lost, dejected and of course hurt beyond repair :( ……......

Aaaaaaaaaah so much for being so considerate .........................