Sunday, February 03, 2008

Random Thoughts !!!

Phase 1: You have friends for everything. Yeah true, You make friends like a snap it was easy, dn’t even need to try nor ooze all sugar and honey, we all just stuck together like we were meant to be…

You can never forget those days, practically each stage of your life involves them, the pranks, studies, exams, fooling around, never ever was there any sort of competition. Even the arguments would be for fun sake and the end of the day all was forgiven and forgotten….

Phase 2: Career and life takes over. You all go your separate ways and some of us including me (the not so bring ones) were left behind to rot. Slowly but surely we picked up the pieces of our life and are perhaps all set now but yet

Sometimes I wish I was back to those old times when impressions mattered less and being yourself was all it was about

When being stupid was not a crime but a necessity and the goofy laughs and comments cemented the importance the attribute bought

When all you needed to do was ask for help and you had a battalion ready

When someone from the fairer sex was “item” one moment and “bhabhi” the next

When for a simple thing like buying a shirt you would have arm loads of people to decide what looks good on you as well as bargain for ya

Sometimes I wonder what has changed so much about me. I still am friendly though my visage tells otherwise. I still talk so much to people I know/don’t know yet at times I feel a gap, a difference a sense of “I don’t belong here”

Could something be wrong ? I have got everything I could wish for absolutely no complaints even a great job, yet somewhere down the line I wish I was a kid once again, just once

Random thoughts, just too many random thoughts that crosses my mind as I shuttle down the interstate I-880 S at 80 mph, a good 15 mph over the allowed limit…..

For all I know my time is not up, no not just YET !!!

Saturday, February 02, 2008

A Frenzy !!!

My life has moved, changed, rushed around at a rapid pace. Do I regret it NO I DON’T trust me I don’t, anticipation is a wrong word, I felt the initial rush, the throng of things the feeling that things are gonna change and yes it has …

The pace, the frenzy with which those changes came in, unbelievable, the day draped in new colors each promising a new beginning a new life a new taste and new adventure ….

Trouble is I don’t know if I am strong enough to bear it all. Life is like a freeway for me now, diving in through a ramp and exiting via a ramp, the pace, the lane the speed doesn’t matter I am just going in with the flow, which kinda seems fine for now but for how long ? it rather reeks of bad taste and character that you don’t know where and at what pace you headed !!!

It’s like being in a flood you know, because when a dam breaks and floods the low lands there are only 2 things that can happen, you either stand in the way of the flood, in which case the end result is quite known or you slide with the flow, not knowing where it would end. I practically have no clue which of this I should do right now, I may drop anchor sometime but right now I am with the flow...

In 2 weeks I will be out of this place, the cozy confines of something that was well known to me, to dive in headlong in a new role, a greater responsibility. I have no clue how my performance out there would be, but I have reasons to believe I have done my best when it comes to professional life and I am hoping the past success will shove me to better my performance each time.

And if all that was not a strong reason enough, I do know that I have enough obligations to post a quarter of my earnings each month in the coffers of those ever greedy banks and if nothing else I would depend on a lot of prayers and shrewdness to retain my position since my entire life would depend on it.

Its not the pace or the responsibility that’s worrisome, it’s the what if ? belief that’s taking me down at times and right now I am seeking a quick remedy to just chuck the bull shit out and redeem myself

Let the heavens be ever so merciful on me .... amen .....