Wednesday, June 09, 2010

A state of mind !!!

Often at times, i have felt the need to kneel, to pray or maybe just sit around doing nothing but retrospect. In reality, i think the time is approaching. the past few days especially I feel the need to be inside myself. Leaving aside the diagnosis, the perils i will face as my life begins to form shape, a part of me right now is just longing to idle

While the exterior has taken some beating given the state of my health, the rest of the body is still fine and it would be a sheer waste of an abundant life if i do not even try to reach my potential

Having said that, somehow i feel drained, a part of me is always tired, wanting to rest, take a break, while the other half is sprinting, trying to keep the pace, move quickly and swiftly, duck and take cover cause my life depends on it. I feel like i am in one of those spy movies, where being alert and on the move is the only difference between a bullet and your temple. The rest of the time goes in tracking your prey and in preparing to be alive.

The good news being, I am not ready to give up, at least not without a fight, the bad news being, if i give up, it will take along with it 2 lives, one being mine and the other being my better half. Fortunately, every time i see her, I feel pride and if i ever happen to be a sissy it would be such a let down. So diagnosis aside, i promised i will do my best, the rest as they say is in gods hands.

I now feel more unrest than usual, we all have a definite and perhaps a short life span, and i somehow feel there is so much for me to do.. i want to do that one step at a time and i think i am on the right path and i am hoping my energies hold, i really do.

I am out in the wild my running shorts on, and the cold breeze hitting my face. I huff and puff hardly the marathon runner i used to be but hey I am getting there, i am getting the much needed push from the wind god and I have more reasons now to see the finish line early ...

After all, we all have a definite time frame and decidedly there is so much to do .....