Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Be happy Be free !!!

So putting aside such theories and ill feelings over what transpired, I got my first award from this company today. It made a huge difference because this award was for someone who made me what I am today. I agree my parents made the supreme sacrifice but had it not been for him, I would have never stayed afloat after the initial set backs I faced. And for all the joy I had, somewhere I felt something missing.

As I stepped out to the breezy California weather, I tossed the plaque into the bay. I watched it bop up and down before it was finally pulled into the estuary. For now the certificate would suffice….

By this time tomorrow the distance that exists between us could be read at units of thousand miles. Not that it would make any difference, I tried my best to understand what the situation is like and I am pretty confident, I have understood more than what was expected in the first place

Doesn’t matter as far as my intuition goes, the decision has already been taken and this time gap that is being asked for is just to reinforce the initial decision. It hurts but having said that no matter where in life I am and at what step it may be, sometimes I just wish I had this time machine to go back in time….

And then I sat down to write. Probably the last time I am talking about the issue. Things those are too sensitive to be put on a blog. I already have someone who talks to me as if they know every inch of my body on account of my blog. Dreams I had, desires I kept locked for many years. It’s an odd feeling getting lost not once but twice and both ways in a similar manner. I tried to learn from either of them but my judgment failed me.

It was difficult for me to isolate who was the greater fool? me or the better sense in me, which still believes that being honest and upright would still get plausible results if not anything. When fact is however insecure you are, all you need is someone who remains strong at that moment to see you through.

So I know the call may never come through. Even if it does it’s a formality. I can see the distance and as much as I want to hold on I know I won’t. And so I set it free, knowing fully well it won’t come back, yet hoping pretty much the same.

Judgment day is in the first week of January and as much I like to be positive, I can see ominous signs, signs that tell me how the jury verdict would be ….

For now .... Be happy Be free !!!


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